I'll Be Home For Christmas
by ZackyStardust
Summary: A funny, touching, sometimes sweet and a little bit sad, Christmas story set in the universe of Final Fantasy VII. Cloud realizes that Zack was right when he said it would be the best Christmas ever, even if it did come a few years late.
1. If only in my dreams

**Author's Note:**** Well, I finally finished my holiday fan fiction, and for once I got done with something on time. This is a very special fan fiction indeed, almost the perfect Christmas story. It's got moments to make you laugh, moments to make you cry, and moments that may even inspire you. Above all, I hope it makes you smile. Another very special thing, this is one of my few non-yaoi fan fictions, by request of my yaoi-hating best friend who wanted to read it (in the original plan, it was). However, it could possibly still be implied for my friends who are addicts like I am. This story was originally a one-shot, but I've decided to make the final edit into three different chapters. I rushed to finish this on time in between doing lots of things for school, applying to college, and also in preparation for Christmas. If there are any really dumb typos in it, please inform me. I did edit it, but I may have missed a few things.**

**I dedicate this story to my best friend Kiko, who not only managed to keep this hardcore yaoi fan from doing what she normally does best (only because I love her), but also for being downright amazing, and also to my good friend Keyla who was there for me when I didn't know who else I could talk to. Thank you both for keeping me sane during this hectic December.**

**To everyone else, enjoy the story and have a Merry Christmas or whatever it is you celebrate!**

It was bitter cold outside and the wind howled against the thick canvas material of the pavilion tent that was the makeshift shelter for ShinRa's SOLDIERs, on a mission near the Ancient Capital to investigate some strange sightings that had been reported around the area. The night was starless and blanketed over, promising snow before the morning. Even in the gloom, the white trees seemed to glow with ethereal light. Zack stared out at the bleak scenery, enjoying one last drink before crawling into his bed, a not very comfortable drab blue sleeping bag provided by ShinRa to all of it's military personnel on away missions.

It was Christmas Eve, but that held little matter to those who served ShinRa Electric Power Company. As long as there was work to be done, it didn't matter what day of the year it was. For a ShinRa employee, there was no guarantee of ever having a holiday. This fact was the reason Zack and five other SOLDIERs found themselves spending the night far from home and freezing cold even on the eve of such a special day. ShinRa as a whole wasn't sentimental, and they were simply the ones who were sent out to deal with whatever it was the company decided was troublesome. It was their duty, and however unpleasant it could be, they did their job with pride and honor.

Zack, as a SOLDIER First Class, had been put in charge of the mission. Like all of the men in his company, he would have much rather spent the holidays someplace warm, dry, and safe, rather than in a drafty tent miles away from everyone he cared the most about. He sighed to himself, smiling wistfully out at the white trees and the gray sky.

"Hey, Zack," one of the SOLDIERs, a second class named Luxiere, called from his sleeping bag. "Could you close the flap, please? It's cold enough in here without you letting the wind in. I'm freezing my balls off."

The First Class was instantly pulled from his thoughts, turning and flashing the man a sheepish grin. "Sorry!" He called, sealing the tent and blotting out the harsh surroundings with canvas. "You could have let me know sooner that the situation was so urgent!" He gave a friendly laugh and made his way over to his own sleeping bag.

"It's fine." Luxiere said with obvious sincerity. "I'm glad you were put in charge of this mission. Not many people would have allowed their men to get pissed the night before a big mission."

Zack smiled, remembering the small Christmas party the five SOLDIERs had celebrated with earlier. "Hey, I didn't let you drink enough to get completely trashed." Zack said, giving the other man a friendly punch on the shoulder. "If any of you wake up with a huge hangover tomorrow, I'll know one of you brought something along that wasn't on the mission protocol. " He gave the other a mock glare.

"Hey, it's not like _you_ didn't." Luxiere said, appearing somewhat shaken. He fidgeted nervously, staring down at his sleeping bag as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

Zack snickered. "You little sneak!" He slapped his knee in amusement, nearly rolling on the floor laughing. "I knew I didn't bring _that _much!"

The First Class had felt bad about having to force his comrades to tag along on this mission and give up their Christmas, and hadn't been particularly thrilled about loosing his own holiday, either. Before they had boarded the truck that would carry them over to the location of their mission, he had hurried into the city and bought two six packs and a cheap radio in preparation for a small, surprise Christmas party for the other SOLDIERs, and snuck it all in with the various supplies. It was no secret that ShinRa's military personnel oftentimes brought along items that were nonessential to the mission, and even alcohol, for their own amusement on away missions, but it was frowned upon by the company and strongly discouraged. However, being that it was Christmas Eve and Zack had broken the rule himself, he chose to let it slide.

"Ummm…I'm not in trouble, right?" Luxiere questioned, still seeming a bit uneasy but loosened up a bit by his commander's laughter.

"Of course not!" Zack said with a grin, standing up and pacing a bit to work off the rest of the energy from his fit of laughter.

"With all due respect, Zack," another SOLDIER, Kunsel, called to them. "Some of us are trying to sleep so that tomorrow won't suck anymore than it has to."

"It is late, isn't it?" Zack commented, ruffling his own hair as if slightly embarrassed. "Yeah! I guess it is, huh?" He did three quick squats and then laid down, nearly entangling himself in his sleeping bag in the process. "Goodnight!"

The tent fell silent soon afterwards, but Zack remained awake, laying on his back and staring up at the canvas ceiling. He recalled the events of the evening, smiling slightly. He was glad he had decided to bend the rules a bit. The night and the following day would have been unbearably unpleasant, otherwise.

For much of the night, the SOLDIERs had gathered around a big lantern with a junky little heater, drinking and telling stories of their time in the ShinRa military. The cheap radio he had bought was propped up nearby, it's reception fuzzy but still playing Christmas songs even through the static.

His phone had gone off while he was listening to Kunsel rant about a particularly dangerous and highly exaggerated encounter with "an army of tonberries!" he called out, waving his arms in a ridiculous fashion, the alcohol clearly taking effect. "There were at least fifty of them, what with their kitchen knives and all! But I warded 'em all off and said! 'Hey, tonberries! This is my territory! Your kitchen knives belong to me!'… and they all ran away, but they left their precious cutlery for yours truly. And that, my friends, is where the cafeteria in the ShinRa building really got its new shipment of silverware!"

Zack had already answered his phone before Kunsel had reached the portion about the tonberries running for their mothers. "Hello?" he said, retreating from the others as Luxiere called out "You liar! The last time you told that story it involved forty cactuars and a hot girl from Kalm!"

The voice on the line was Aerith. She giggled a bit before answering. "I know you're going to be busy tomorrow, so I just called to say Merry Christmas, Zack!"

He smiled, shaking his head slightly. Aerith was a great friend and he was so glad he had met her….even if that had involved falling through the roof of the church in the slums and making an idiot out of himself. "Thanks, Aerith!" he said. "Merry Christmas to you, too."

She giggled again, obviously in a great mood. "What's the mission about?"

Zack gave an overdramatic sigh. "Something totally not urgent that could totally wait until after Christmas to look into."

"Oh." Aeris sounded a bit disappointed. "I'm so sorry! Too bad they ruined your Christmas for _that_!"

"It's fine." He said, his smile audible in his voice. "How is your Christmas Eve going? Any plans for tomorrow?"

"Oh, Zack!" She laughed. "I already told you all about them! You're so forgetful!"

"I'm sorry!" Zack said, jumping back as if alarmed and getting a strange glance from the other SOLDIERs, who promptly went back to their boozing and boasting. "Tell me again?"

"My mom and I are having some friends over for Christmas dinner tomorrow!" She said, sounding excited. "I'm actually helping her with the cooking right now. I probably shouldn't talk too long."

Zack sighed. "Okay, don't want to keep you or anything." He smiled. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." She said again, sounding a bit more serious this time around. "And Zack, be careful, won't you?"

"Of course. Goodnight, Aerith."

After the conversation, Zack had become a bit less involved in the festivities of the other SOLDIERs. Aerith would be fine, he knew. She had been looking forward to her Christmas for at least a month, maybe more, and he knew that she wasn't missing him terribly at the moment. However, Cloud he was a bit worried about.

"_Hey, Spike. Christmas is coming up soon, isn't it?"_

"_Yeah, it is… Why do you ask?_

"_Just wondering if you had any plans. Like y'know, going home to visit family or going to get drunk with your buddies… Oh gods, don't tell me they gave you a mission! I thought you had the holiday off!" _

"_I am off. But I don't have any plans. What would I do? You're the only real friend I have here, Zack. And nope, I'm not going to go all the way back to Nibelheim just for Christmas… I can't…"_

"_Why not?"_

"_I'd rather not talk about it…"_

"_We're friends, right? You can talk to me."_

"_I really don't want to talk about it."_

"_Don't get all defensive on me, Cloud! I was just wondering. Y'know, spending Christmas all alone in the barracks isn't any fun!"_

"_Hmm. Not much choice, is there?"_

"_Why don't you come over to my place? I don't have any plans either. Aerith will be busy and I wouldn't want to show up and scare her mom's friends. The people in the slums aren't quite fond of ShinRa, y'know…and Gongaga isn't exactly close by, so I can't visit my folks and be back in time for work the next day."_

"_I wouldn't want to be any trouble…"_

"_It'll be fun! You can come over to my apartment on Christmas Eve and we'll get totally smashed and watch dirty movies... or if you prefer, I guess we could watch some of the sappy Christmas specials on TV. Hey, don't look so offended!" _

"_Zack, I'm not old enough to drink…and I just so happen to prefer those sappy Christmas specials you mentioned to whatever it is you have planned…"_

"_That's the beauty of being in the ShinRa army! It doesn't matter! But hey, we can watch that sugary junk if you want. But I'm sure you would find that you enjoyed the other stuff even mor- hey, don't try to hit me!"_

"_Sorry."_

"_Liar. Anyways, the next day we can exchange whatever cheap gifts we manage to scrounge up for each other with our lousy pay, maybe even get a good laugh out of them, and go for more of the same from the night before. Sound good?"_

"_Better than being alone in the barracks, at least."_

"_You won't regret it, Spikey! It'll be the best Christmas ever, I promise."_

But it wasn't the best Christmas ever. Zack was miles away from Midgar on a mission, and Cloud was alone in the SOLDIER's apartment, probably watching stale Christmas specials and feeling rather lonely. He sighed, remembering the conversation he'd had with the young blonde a few days beforehand.

"_Hey, Cloud."_

"_Hey, Zack! I'm really looking forward to Christmas. I'll be over there on Christmas Eve as soon as I get off duty!"_

"_Spike…"_

"_I mean it, too. I know I'm always late to our training sessions, but-"_

"_Cloud."_

"_What's wrong?"_

"_I… I got a mission."_

"_On Christmas?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Oh…"_

"_I tried to get out of it, but I didn't have much say in the matter."_

"…_Well, Christmas in the barracks will be okay, I guess… At least I have a day off."_

"_No, it's not okay, Spike. I promised you."_

"_It's okay, Zack. Really."_

"_Tell you what… You can stay in my apartment for Christmas, it'll still be lonely but it'll be better than the barracks. At least you'll have the TV and the radio, and I'm sure even my couch is more comfortable than the beds you recruits get."_

"_Zack, you don't have to…"_

"_It's no trouble at all. Just promise me that all of the Christmas cookies my mom sent me won't be gone when I come back, and it's fine by me."_

"_Well… I suppose it is just a little better than the barracks."_

Zack sighed, sincerely wishing he could have made good on his promise to Cloud. He would much rather be warm in his own apartment with his best friend eating junk food and watching television than out in a tent in the cold on a mission that could definitely wait. Spending Christmas with the blonde cadet, no matter what they ended up watching, would have been perfect.

Then, a thought occurred to the raven-haired SOLDIER. Sure, this mission was supposed to be fairly simple, nothing too potentially dangerous… but on every mission, there was the possibility of things going completely wrong. He hadn't even had the opportunity to wish Cloud a "Merry Christmas" before he left on the mission. What if something did go wrong, and he never had the chance to say "Merry Christmas" to him again? He'd said it to Aerith earlier that night, the other SOLDIERs too at their little party. He'd sent his parents a Christmas card a few days beforehand and he was sure they would have received it by then. But he had only seen Cloud for a few moments earlier in the day, when he'd given him the keys to his apartment. He'd barely been able to say "Goodbye" before they called him over for departure, and he'd had to run off quickly from the apartment building or risk being late.

He pulled out his phone and considered it for a second… he was pretty sure that he didn't have the volume up _too_ loud, and that the other guys were already asleep. He was sure a few text messages wouldn't disturb anyone… at least, not too much.

**Subject:** _You still awake?_

**From:** _Zack_

_Hey, Spike. Are you still up or did the boredom knock you out already? _

He only had to wait a minute or so for the reply.

**Subject:** _Mission_

**From:** _Cloud_

_I was asleep, until I got your message. I fell asleep about midway through Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. They've played that movie like three times tonight already. Anyways, how's the mission going? _

Zack chuckled, smiling to himself. _Poor Cloud must be so bored._ He thought as he typed his reply.

**Subject:** _Bored_

**From:** _Zack_

_Pointless. This totally could have waited until after Christmas. I'm freezing to death and Kunsel's snoring is keeping me awake. So, you're getting bored with the Christmas specials, huh? I told ya you'd like the other stuff, but you didn't listen to me..._

He waited another minute before his phone beeped at him, signaling a reply.

**Subject:** _Christmas Cookies_

**From:** _Cloud_

_Pervert. I told you, I'm not into that stuff. By the way… your mom's Christmas cookies are really good._

Startled, Zack jumped a little bit in his sleeping bag, typing furiously on the keys of his cell phone. _He wouldn't have!_

**Subject:** _Bastard!_

**From:** _Zack_

_Don't tell me you ate them all! She only sends those things once a year! Damn it, Cloud! If those are all gone when I get back, you'd better be long gone from my apartment and on your way back to Nibelheim…_

The phone beeped a minute later, and Zack eagerly entered his inbox to read what he hoped would be the news that the blonde cadet had _not_ in fact depleted his supply of Christmas cookies.

**Subject:** _Sorry_

**From:** _Cloud_

_I just had one… um, if you don't mind. I'm sorry. I thought you wouldn't mind. You said we were friends…_

Zack sighed to himself, smiling. He couldn't help but find the blonde's reaction amusing. Cloud was far too shy to dare eat all of a First Class SOLDIER's cookies, even if they were best friends. He should have known that.

**Subject:**_ Relax_

**From:** _Zack_

_I was just kidding. Well, sort of, at least. Of course we're friends. _

Another minute or so passed. Zack ruffled his hair nervously while awaiting an answer; worried that maybe he had upset Cloud somehow with his comment about the Christmas cookies. He was taking quite a while to respond. But the familiar beep went off as always, and the SOLDIER sighed in relief, shaking his head.

**Subject:** _Reasons_

**From:** _Cloud_

_Why are you messaging me at this time of night, anyways? Not that I mind, but it seems a bit odd with you being on a mission and all…_

**Subject:** _Merry Christmas_

**From:**_ Zack_

_If I were to die tomorrow without saying it I'd feel bad, so… Merry Christmas, kid. _

**Subject:** _Merry Christmas, Zack_

**From:** _Cloud_

_Merry Christmas to you too, Zack… I wish you were here._

His phone went off again. Puzzled, he stared at it for a moment or two before he opened up his inbox and read the new message.

**Subject:** _Shut up_

**From:** _Kunsel_

_Stop texting. I'm trying to sleep._

Surprised, he sat up and looked over at the other SOLDIER. But Kunsel was already curled up in his sleeping bag as if nothing had happened. Zack grinned, sighing to himself. It _was _getting late, and they did have a mission the next day... or really later in the day, he realized. Every single one of them would need the rest, including him… especially after all the alcohol. It would be prudent of him to allow himself and the others to sleep.

**Subject:** _Goodnight_

**From:** _Zack_

_Gotta go. Kunsel's getting pissed off at me. At least it stopped the snoring for a while. I wish I was there too, Spike. But I promise you, next Christmas I won't let either of us get shipped away on a mission. It'll be the best Christmas ever, promise. _

_Love you, Cloud._

And with that he turned off his phone and drifted off to sleep, while the snow began its descent from the grey sky above.

Neither one of them knew that they wouldn't have the next Christmas to spend together, that they would both become nothing but experiments for the company they both served loyally; that what they would see in the next year would change both of their lives forever. Blissfully unaware, they slept peacefully and looked forward to what they believed would be the best Christmas ever.


	2. Twas the Night Before Christmas

**Author's Note: Believe it or not, the silliness in this chapter was actually the hardest part in this fan fiction to write. I didn't want it to be so silly that it went beyond being funny and became total crack and lost it's meaning, but I wanted it to be funny and ridiculous enough to be memorable. I hope I accomplished that goal. Some warnings for this chapter, be prepared for angsty Cloud and some bad words (if that sort of thing pisses you off). Other than that, just enjoy reading what I imagine would happen when the FFVII gang gets together on Christmas Eve and throws one hell of a party…**

It was winter in Edge. Dirty grey snow collected on the sidelines of the city streets, still more drifting down from the overcast night sky overhead. Candles burned in windows, while multicolored lights glowed on the outsides of buildings. People bartered in the streets with shop owners, making their last minute purchases before the holiday. Children played, causing mischief for the already annoyed merchants, all of whom were trying to make the most off of the last minute holiday shoppers. Christmas was in the air.

This was a time for friends and family to gather and appreciate what they had, to have survived the fall of Midgar, Meteor, and the reappearance of Sephiroth. Those who called Edge home had been through a lot. This was especially true for the group gathered at Seventh Heaven on Christmas Eve.

Tifa's bar wasn't the biggest and best location for the Christmas party, but with a few decorations and the radio playing Christmas classics, Seventh Heaven became a suitable place for the little get-together. Marlene and Denzel helped to decorate the tree even as Tifa shooed out the last few customers and the first few guests started to arrive.

Marlene abandoned the tree for a moment to greet her adoptive father, Barret. She ran up to him and gave him a big hug, and he swooped her up in his arms and hugged her back. "Marlene!" He said, with a huge smile. "I told ya I'd be home for Christmas!"

Tifa smiled at them as she passed by, going over to check on Cloud, who was fixing the strand of lights outside. "How's it going?" She asked, watching his progress. He nodded, replacing one of the bulbs as the others exploded into colorful life. "Perfect!" She said, with a clap. He nodded again, with a slight smile, and turned to walk back inside.

"Hey!" Cid called out, crossing the street and joining Tifa and Cloud on the sidewalk. "Where's all the fucking booze? Let's get this damn party started!"

Tifa giggled, reentering the bar. "Don't worry, there will be plenty of that in a bit."

"Damn it, Tifa!" Cid said. "You don't hold a party in a bar and then hide the damn booze from your damn guests!" He punched Cloud in the shoulder. "Right, Cloud?"

Cloud nodded absentmindedly and then went to fiddle around with the lights again. Cid shrugged and turned his attention back to Tifa. "How many damn people do I need to wait for?"

"Well, if your need to get drunk is that urgent, you can get it yourself." Tifa said with a smile, going over to help with finishing up the tree before anyone else showed up.

"Damn!" Cid said, hopping over the bar and swiping a bottle of rum off of the shelf. He glanced at the label, and when satisfied, hopped back over to the other side and sat down at one of the tables.

"Well done, Marlene, Denzel!" Tifa said, looking over the tree. "It looks great!"

Denzel smiled. "Yeah…"

"Damn good, Marlene!" Barret said, looking at the tree.

She smiled. "Cloud, what do you think?" She called out.

He glanced over from where he was fixing another string of lights that hung across one of the walls inside of the bar, in attempt to keep them from falling for the forty-millionth time since that afternoon. He nodded and smiled.

"I'd say we're just about done." Tifa said, going over to turn up the volume a bit on the radio that had been playing Christmas songs all day.

At some point, Vincent in his flowing red cape had entered the bar and somehow gone unnoticed by the others. He sat quietly at the bar, watching the others with a calm look of what could be satisfaction.

"Damn, Vincent!" Barret said, the large man startled a bit by his sudden appearance. "Where the hell did you come from?"

"Vincent?" Cid asked, turning his attention from his liquor. "Goddamn son of a bitch, what the hell? When did you get here?"

"He came in while we were finishing up the tree…" Denzel said, with a sheepish smile. "You didn't notice?"

The look everyone gave him confirmed that they had not.

"Do you like the tree, Vincent?" Marlene asked, jumping up and down excitedly.

Vincent nodded.

"Yay!" Marlene said, grinning.

The door swung open and slammed against the wall, and a familiar materia-obsessed ninja stormed into the bar. "Where's the party?" She said, sliding to a stop in the middle of the room. Looking around, she caught sight of Vincent sitting at the bar. "You!" She said, pointing at him. "You never answer my calls!"

A close look at Vincent's face might even reveal a bit of surprise; a trained eye could perhaps even pick up some worry.

"Ooohhhh!" The ninja stamped her foot. "Damn it!... Hey, everyone. Is everyone here yet?"

"Not yet." Tifa said, laughing. The strand of lights Cloud had just fixed fell for the forty-millionth-and-first time that day. "Damn..." Cloud muttered under his breath, ruffling his hair with one of his hands. "I give up."

"That's fine." Tifa said, laughing still.

"Who the hell cares?" Barret said, tossing the strand of lights off to the side where it wouldn't get trodden on. "Ain't no one gonna care once the drinks start goin' around."

Everyone chatted for a while, and the alcohol started making rounds. Yuffie, much to the annoyance of Cid, pointed out that if he continued to drink the way he was then he would put Seventh Heaven out of business by morning by causing a liquor shortage. The general atmosphere was light, one of friends who had been through a lot and enjoyed these moments even more so because of it.

Nanaki made his way into the bar, Cait Sith perched upon the big cat's back as if he were a horse. "Sorry we're late!" Cait Sith called out, tugging on Nanaki's fur and ruffling his hair. "If Nanaki'd run a bit faster, then maybe…"

Nanaki gave a warning growl. "I'd have gotten here faster if I didn't have an annoying little monkey on my back."

"Annoying little monkey?" Cait Sith asked incredulously. "I am offended. I am not a monkey, thank you very much, laddie."

"Well, we're here." Nanaki said, tossing the little robot cat off to the side with a jerk of his head.

"Is that everyone?" Yuffie asked, looking around. "Should be."

"Not quite…" Tifa said, smiling and taking a sip of her drink.

"Who the hell else is there?" Cid said, waving his arms around. "Damn!"

"Well…" Tifa started, but before she had to finish her sentence the last two guests made their appearance at the door.

"You called about a party?" Reno said, with a grin. Beside him, Rude held two crudely wrapped gift boxes in his arms. The larger Turk said not a word and kept a completely serious look upon his face.

"Aw, hell naw!" Barret said, punching a stool and knocking it over. "Ya ain't serious!"

"Don't worry 'bout it, big guy." Reno said, in a way that only infuriated Barret all the more. "We aren't here to cause trouble."

"Now ya listen to me, you ShinRa bastard, I-"

"Daddy." Marlene said, frowning. "It's Christmastime."

Sighing, Barret took his seat again at the table with Cid and resumed his drinking. "Fine…" He said, taking a swig of beer. "But ONLY because it's Christmas."

Reno nodded in acknowledgement, that self-satisfied smile still on his face. He headed towards the tree, the serious Turk following. Rude tossed Reno his gift to place below the tree. The red-haired man grinned as they reached it. Everyone else in the room for the most part was rather blatantly ignoring the two of them.

"I told ya you should have gone with lingerie…" Reno said, pointing at the small box Rude was holding. "That's not too impressive."

"On the contrary," Rude said, adjusting his sunglasses. "I'm pretty sure she'd prefer new gloves to… that."

"Whatever you say, my friend." Reno said, tossing his gift below the tree while Rude placed his down in a more reserved manner. Reno's carelessness knocked a small red ornament off of one of the lower branches, and it shattered as soon as it hit the floor. "Shit!" He glanced around quickly to make sure no one had seen, but only Rude had observed the shiny red sphere explode into shimmering dust. Swiftly and slyly, Reno placed a larger present over the remnants of the broken decoration. Rude glared at him. "Next time it'll be your glasses if you keep giving me looks like that!"

"Remind me again why we invited the ShinRa bastards?" Barret said, motioning at the two Turks.

"It's damn crowded enough in here without those goddamn sons of bitches!" Cid called out, hammering his fist on the table.

"Well they did help with our last battle… in their own way," said Tifa as she set a drink down by the man with the gun arm. "And it is Christmas after all!" She smiled.

"Christmas my ass!" Cid called out, pounding on the table again. "Goddamn!"

"I got ma eye on you, ya ShinRa bastards, ya hear that?!" Barret called out, pointing at Reno and Rude.

Reno nearly dropped the Christmas cookie he was munching on. "Damn, yo!" He said, jumping a little bit. "Okay, okay!"

"Freeloaders…" Barret mumbled as he took a sip of his drink.

Tifa laughed as she set down Cid's drink. The pilot swooped up the glass and took a huge swig almost as soon as it hit the table.

"I just don't understand why you don't want me calling you so much!" Yuffie practically yelled at Vincent, though she was sitting right next to him at the bar. "What's the point of having a phone if you never use it? Huh? Huh?"

Vincent made a shrugging motion, staring intently down at his drink.

"You don't mind everyone else, do you?" Yuffie said, nearly knocking Vincent out of his chair as she took him by the shoulders and shook him. "That's profiling!"

"I would hardly call it that." Vincent said finally, examining an ice cube in his glass as if it were extremely fascinating.

"Sexist!"

"What…?"

"But you answer for Tifa, don't you?! I bet you even answer for Marlene!"

Vincent chose to exercise his right to remain silent. Yes, silence was golden.

"Racist!"

"…Excuse me?"

"You heard me!"

"…Alright. Yes, I do answer Tifa, I do answer Marlene, and though you choose to overlook the fact, I do in fact answer you, too."

"You always have to go! What are you possibly doing that could be more interesting than talking with me? Huh? Huh?"

"…Calling five times in one day is hardly necessary."

"I get bored!"

Vincent sighed and returned to his intense scrutiny of the drink Tifa had given him not too long ago. He noticed that one of the ice cubes was ever so slightly more round than the rest of the more square shaped ones. He noticed the little bubbles in the liquor as they rose to the top and popped. It all helped to drown out some of the ninja's incessant nagging.

"What do you think you're getting for Christmas, Marlene?" Denzel asked, eyeing the presents beneath the tree.

"I think it's more fun to be surprised." She said, smiling as she looked at the colorfully wrapped boxes. "Don't you?"

"Well, yeah… but…" Denzel sighed, sitting on the floor. "I'm bored."

"At a Christmas Party?" Marlene asked incredulously. "You're bored?"

Denzel looked around the room, watching all the adults have fun. The good majority of them appeared to be drunk or getting there, with the exception of Tifa, and maybe Cloud who was sitting by himself at the corner table of the bar. Denzel didn't like the looks of it. That was much the same way Cloud had been acting before he disappeared for a while. But… Cloud was over all that now, wasn't he?

"Shut yer mouth, lassie!" Cait Sith called out from his vantage point atop of Nanaki. He pulled on the red leonine cat's fur as he flailed around. "Aye, no wonder he won't answer the phone!"

Nanaki glared up at the small robotic cat, thinking of how fun it might be to tear the stuffing out of him if he continued to yank on his fur. He let out a soft growl of warning, which went unheard in the cacophony of voices and music in the small bar.

Johnny, who ran his own bar in Edge, had just stopped by to drop off a small gift for Tifa. He blushed visibly as she thanked him for his kindness, nearly beginning to rant about what an inspiration she was to him. Tifa smiled politely, listening to him while pouring out a whole new round of drinks for Cid, Barret, and the two Turks, who in their drunkenness all appeared to be the best of friends.

"That's the best way to pick up chicks, yo!" Reno called out, making large motions with his arms as if trying to exaggerate his point. "Works every time, like a charm!"

"You're full of shit!" Cid called out, shaking his head. "That crap would never have worked on Shera!"

"Yo, Reno ya crazy ShinRa bastard, I think ya may be on to something!" Barret said, nearly toppling over the drink Tifa had just placed by him. "Damn!"

Rude, who was obviously quite smashed, wore a Santa hat that Reno had surreptitiously placed upon his head at some point during the party. His sunglasses had fallen on to the table, revealing the drunken haze in his eyes. "Hey, everyone!" the normally quiet Turk called out. "Guess what?!"

"Yo, Rude! Damn! Yelling right in my ear! Crazy bastard! What do you want?!" Reno called out, pounding on the table and accidentally spilling Cid's drink.

"Son of a bitch!" Cid called out, chucking the glass at Reno's head. The red-haired man dodged just in time, but the unfortunate glass struck the wall and shattered into a million pieces.

Johnny broke off his string of praise when he heard the glass break. "I'll take care of it!" He called out, rushing over to clean up the mess. Tifa chased after him, exasperated at the man's excessive admiration of her.

"Second thing you broke tonight!" Cid accused Reno, having seen him destroy the ornament earlier though the Turk had thought he had not been noticed.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Reno called out, putting up his arms as if in surrender. "That was all you, buddy!"

"Yeah, well it was your own damn fault!" Cid called out, reaching for Barret's glass. The other man pulled it away before a similar incident could occur. Insults in some of the most colorful language anyone in the bar had ever heard began to be hurled back and forth across the table. Tifa glanced over at Denzel and Marlene, hoping they weren't listening to the good majority of what Cid and Reno were saying to each other as she watched Johnny fuss over the broken glass.

Rude nudged Reno repeatedly until the red-haired man cut off his foul mouthing. "_What _do you want, Rude? Jeez!" He flailed around dramatically as if emphasizing what he was saying. "What could possibly be so important at this moment in time that I absolutely must know right now what you wanted to say before? What?"

Rude grinned sheepishly, a look few could ever claim to see on the quiet, serious man's face. "Did I ever tell you guys I can sing?"

He then burst out into song, singing shamelessly along to "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus", which was playing in the background on the radio.

"Yo!" Reno called out, looking shocked. He glanced back and forth between the little radio and his companion, as if baffled. "What the hell, yo?!"

Barret laughed, eventually joining in and for a moment making the entirety of the bar fall completely silent as everyone looked in awe at the two drunken men serenading. Even Yuffie sat there in complete bemusement for a few seconds before returning to pestering Vincent, who seemed to have the look on his face of a small mouse caught between the claws of a sadistic feline.

"Well now, ya don't see that every day, do ya?" Cait Sith said, nudging Nanaki.

The big cat nodded in agreement. "That you do not."

Cid, once he regained his composure, glanced back at Cloud, who had remained silent for the majority of the time he had been there. "Cloud! Drink your goddamn beer or else give it to me, damn it!"

The man with spiky blonde hair glanced up at him for a moment, nodding and sipping absentmindedly at his drink. He sighed, burying his face in his hands and ruffling his own hair a bit.

Denzel watched Cloud worriedly. "Marlene… Cloud looks sad, doesn't he?"

She nodded, looking concerned. "But it's Christmas, and she said he was done dilly dallying… why is he…?"

"Tifa!" Denzel called out. She left Johnny alone for a moment, the other bar tender now fussing over the bits of ornament he had discovered.

Tifa kneeled down in front of the two children, giving them a friendly smile. "What's up?"

"Cloud…" Denzel said, glancing over at the blonde haired man, who appeared to be lost in thought.

"He's doing it again, Tifa." Marlene said, with a concerned look upon her face.

Tifa glanced in Cloud's direction, sighing to herself. He most certainly was brooding again. She would have to talk to him as soon as she could shake Johnny and get Cid another drink before he hurt someone. She nodded.

Yuffie had stopped chattering for a moment and noted the dismal outlook of the spiky haired man. "Cloud is a royal pain in the ass, as always!" she said, with an exasperated sigh. "Even on Christmas."

"Cloud is Cloud." Tifa said, shaking her head and standing up.

He nearly startled her as he stood waiting by her, glancing down at the floor and appearing distant. He had apparently come over some point after he heard Yuffie call out his name. "Cloud… what… is it?"

"I've got to make a delivery." Cloud said, obviously lying. "Real last minute Christmas gift. Someone just called. Sorry." He turned to leave.

Tifa stamped her foot, catching him by the arm before he could walk away. "Don't go running off on Christmas." She said firmly, shaking her head. "I thought you weren't running away anymore."

"I… I've got to go." He said, pulling away from her and sighing. "Wouldn't want to ruin Christmas for anyone…"

"Really?" Tifa asked, with an obvious hint of mocking in her voice. "That's great."

"I'm sorry…" He said as he turned once more to leave.

"You're not doing yourself any good, you know!" She called after him. By this point even the drunken singing and laughter had died out and the only sound that remained in the bar was the radio, ironically playing the song "I'll be Home For Christmas".

He waved without bothering to look back, pushing open the door and letting in some of the chilly winter air and a bit of dusty white snow with it.

"Cloud… you'll be back for Christmas, right?" Denzel asked, taking a step towards the door.

Cloud nodded, then hurried through the door, letting it slam behind him.

There was near silence for a few moments before Yuffie called out "What an asshole!"

Vincent glanced over at her with a slight glare before going back to his own quiet musings.

"Lassie, not the most appropriate moment…" Cait Sith said, shaking his fluffy little head. Nanaki nodded, nearly knocking the dazed little robot off of him.

Tifa sighed, appearing distant for a few moments before putting on a smile and asking, "So who wants another drink?"

"I do." Cid said, though in a decidedly less pushy voice. "I think I need one."

"Damn." Barret said, shaking his head. "Damn. Yeah."

Rude plucked his glasses off of the table and put them back on, pulling off the Santa hat and tossing it off to the side.

It would be a while before the party picked up again, and even so, the awkwardness and worry still hung in the room. Everyone had seen that before. If Cloud came home for Christmas, it would be a miracle.

On his way out from the bar, he nearly ran into a little boy who was standing outside on the sidewalk. He appeared to be about eight, and his puffy dark blue jacket almost swallowed up the rest of his body. His hair was mostly covered by his matching hat, but the bits sticking out matched with his big, chocolate brown eyes.

He looked inquiringly up at Cloud and gave him a boyish smile. "Sorry!" he said, stepping aside. But as Cloud made a move to pass him, he called out. "Wait! You have any gil to spare? My family said they couldn't afford presents this year, and-"

Cloud nodded, wordlessly handing the boy enough gil to go get himself something. As he walked away, he heard the boy call "Wow! Now I can get my sister a new moogle doll! Her old one's falling apart, she'll love it! Thank you!"

Cloud waved briefly in acknowledgement and made his way over to his motorcycle Fenrir. The sound of carolers singing reached his ears for a moment before he revved up the engine and drove off down the street. The snow wasn't really too much trouble for Fenrir's wheels, and he sped past colored lights as the cold air blew through his spiky blonde hair.

The colored lights that adorned the buildings blurred into shimmering streamers as he sped by them, swift in making his escape from all of the Christmas festivities. The pain of loss seemed to haunt him more than ever during the holiday season. The whole season seemed to highlight that certain people he loved were no longer with him to be a part of that joyous time of year, when supposedly the whole world was at peace. After all of the battles he had weathered, he knew that the tidings of comfort and joy that supposedly came with the season did not extend to everywhere and everyone; it was impossible for the entire troubled planet to be in peace.

He was not alone, and he knew it. But that knowledge didn't stop him from feeling as if he was.

_Dilly dally, shilly shally. I thought you were done with this._

The words seemed to echo on the biting wind. A familiar voice, Aerith's voice.

_He never blamed you, Cloud. Neither did I._

The colored lights had disappeared.

_You're not alone._

"Why do I still feel like I am?"

_Why can't you forgive yourself?_

And then he was alone.


	3. Silent Night

**Author's Note: This chapter ended up being much sadder than I originally intended to make it, which is probably due to the fact that I was actually in quite a shitty mood while I wrote the majority of it, with the exception of the beginning and the ending. However, it could just be the fact that writing sad things seems to be my forte. As I warned my friends, sensitive fan girls may wish to have tissues handy for a portion of this. While I was writing this, I was listening to "Silent Night" by Manheim Steamroller. It's an amazing song, my absolute favorite version of that song, and it tears me up every time I hear it. I think it goes well with this chapter. Also... in my world, it snows in and around Midgar. Yes. Thanks to everyone for reading, and happy holidays once again!**

Back in Seventh Heaven, the party was beginning to wind down. It was past midnight and doziness was beginning to overtake the drunken guests. The kids were also quite tired, and ready to go to sleep so that they could get the night over with and open their presents in the morning. However, every single one of them was worried about Cloud and whether or not he would actually return for the holiday.

"Damn…" Cid said, rubbing at his throbbing head. "Good party… mostly… damn…"

"Shit… yeah…" Barret said, sighing. "Damn, what the hell is with Spiky?"

"He missed a damn good party, whatever's up." Cid said, attempting to make light of the situation.

"Yeah…" Barret said, laughing a little bit.

"Damn, Rude…" Reno said, hiccupping and rubbing at his head. "I never knew you were a pop star."

"I'd … appreciate it if you never mentioned that ever again…" Rude said, examining the floor and massaging his aching head. "To anyone…Ever."

"I promise… I won't…" Reno said, smirking and thinking what a great story he had to tell Rufus, Tseng, and Elena when he saw them later in the day.

Tifa sighed, taking a seat on one of the bar stools after putting all the empty glasses and plates by the sink to deal with later. "Tifa?" Denzel asked, and she looked up at him. "Cloud is coming back, right?"

"Don't worry about it." She said, smiling. "Get some sleep. In the morning you'll have lots of presents to open."

"Okay…" He said, looking dissatisfied but heading over towards his room nonetheless.

"That Cloud… ooooh, he's such a pain sometimes." Yuffie said, from where she leaned on the bar with a bad headache. "Not quite as bad as this hangover will be, but…"

Nanaki was curled up in the corner, sleeping in the way cats do, his fiery tail winding around him. Cait Sith was using him as a fluffy red pillow.

"Cloud still suffers." Vincent said, his amber eyes staring ahead as he mused. "He's lost more than we know of."

"I know he's upset over Aerith, but what about us?" Tifa said, sighing again. "He's got so much more than he realizes."

"It's more than that." Vincent said, shaking his head.

"Whatever it is…" Tifa said, running her fingers absentmindedly though her hair. "I hope he comes around soon. I don't care whatever it is. It's Christmastime. Whether he likes it or not, we're a family now and he's got people who care about him. He can't keep running off like this."

Vincent shrugged, becoming lost in his thoughts. "Tifa?" She turned to see Marlene standing behind her. "I'm going to sleep now, okay?"

"Sure, Marlene. " She said, putting on a smile. "Merry Christmas."

Marlene turned to leave, but stopped for a moment. "Tifa." She said, turning back around and smiling. "Cloud will come back. I just know it. Don't you worry about it." She hugged her.

Tifa smiled, for real that time. "I'm sure he will." She said. "Goodnight, Marlene."

The little girl turned and made her way towards her room. "Merry Christmas!" She called out.

Tifa shook her head, sighing. "I hope you are right, Marlene." She said. "Cloud, you better come back. Please don't ruin Christmas."

Cloud's wanderings inevitably brought him to a place he'd too often found himself visiting. The makeshift grave was covered in snow, a blanket of white covering the place that not too many years ago had been stained red with blood.

_Don't think about that. _Cloud told himself, but even as he did tears stung at his eyes.

The weathered Buster Sword was in stark contrast with its surroundings. It was a reminder of the horrible feeling of loss he had experienced on that very cliff overlooking the remains of Midgar. It was a big part of the reason he found himself feeling so dismal on the eve of what was supposedly the happiest day of the year.

Sighing, he stepped down from his motorcycle and approached the rusted weapon, placing his hands against the cold metal. Zack had said that the sword was a representation of his dreams, his pride, and his honor. Cloud had said he would live out both of their lives. Yet, even after all he had accomplished, he couldn't help but feel like he hadn't done enough. Looking at the sword in it's present condition, he couldn't help feeling like he'd let all of the promises he'd made rust and freeze out in the snow.

He didn't know when he'd started, but he was crying. The tears were bitter cold against his face. He thought he'd resolved this, that he could finally move on, after his last big battle with Sephiroth. But apparently some scars never really heal, he thought as he sunk to his knees. He wasn't worried about what anyone would think of him at that moment. He was alone, completely and terribly alone. The worst part of it was that he knew he had so many people who cared about him, but no matter how much he tried to let go of the past, he still couldn't help but feel as if his life were horribly incomplete.

He lay in the snow, not too far from where Zack had been on that horrible day. The snow was awfully cold, soaking into his clothes and making his body feel numb. Even that couldn't compare with the chill he had felt in the rain as he'd realized that Zack was gone. Gone forever like Aerith, like Nibelheim as he knew it, like so many things.

"Merry Christmas, Zack."

The white snow made a light dust over his dark clothing as he lay there in his mournful reminisce. He knew he shouldn't be there. He should be back with Tifa and Denzel and everyone else, with the people who had become his family. After all, Christmas was the time you were meant to be with those you cared the most about. What did that say about him, then? He sighed and closed his eyes.

"_Jeez, Cloud. What are you doing out here? Your promise to live out both our lives won't mean much if you freeze to death visiting my grave."_

Startled, Cloud sat bolt upright, expecting to be met with the bleak winter scenery but instead finding himself surrounded in bright white light. "…Zack?"

He was met by a familiar laugh, one that had haunted his dreams for far too long even though it had only been a few years. He shut his eyes tightly, afraid that if he opened them he would find that he was alone again out in the snow.

"_Honestly, Cloud. How do you expect to keep that promise if you keep living like this?"_

"It really is you…" Cloud said as the tears started anew. "Zack…I'm so sorry."

"_Stop apologizing. I never blamed you for anything. "_

"Well, I did…"

"_What could you have done to save me? Nothing, Cloud. I never once blamed you for what happened to me. I would never have been able to forgive myself if those bastards would have gotten you, too. I never once regretted that you lived and I died. You're a hero, Cloud. You saved the whole damn planet. Don't you dare think that I'm not proud of you. You've lived my dreams and more."_

"But…but even that doesn't bring you back. You, or Aerith. I'm still alone."

"_When have you ever been alone since I died?"_

Cloud actually had to consider that question, and to his embarrassment, he found that he didn't actually have a valid answer. Each time had been of his own accord.

"_I rest my case."_

"Zack… please don't go yet… what about that Christmas you promised me?"

"_We're here now, aren't we?"_

Cloud had to laugh a little. "This isn't quite what I imagined when you said 'the best Christmas ever'."

Again, he heard Zack's familiar laughter echo in his mind.

"_Beggars can't be choosers, y'know."_

Cloud smiled. "I suppose this is what Aerith meant by dilly dallying, huh?"

He felt Zack's hand on his shoulder, real as if he were alive.

"_You're not alone, Cloud. You've got so many people that care about you. Everything happened so fast. We both lost four years, Cloud. I know you weren't ready for it. So much time wasted, it's a shame really. You have to make up for all that lost time, Cloud, for the both of us. You've still got time left. I don't. Don't waste it here. "_

"_Zack…"_

Zack ruffled his hair, the way he had many a time before.

"_I'll see you again someday, Cloud…but hopefully not for a long time."_

"Don't go, Zack…"

Zack patted him on the head once more as his presence began to fade.

"_Merry Christmas, Cloud."_

"Merry Christmas, Zack."

When he opened his eyes, the snow was back, and Zack was nowhere to be seen. He sighed. His clothes were soaked and he was cold, but suddenly the night didn't seem so bitter. He shivered, realizing for the first time how silly he had been to allow himself to stay out in the freezing weather for that long.

Standing, he turned one last time to look at the Buster Sword, which now seemed rather than a sad reminder to be a great symbol of all that both he and Zack had accomplished. He smiled and nodded slightly. "Thank you, Zack."

When he returned to Seventh Heaven late that night, he found most of the party guests passed out around the various tables, too sedated by the alcohol to bother with leaving or at least finding a better place to crash. The only one still conscious was Vincent, who had been lost in thought staring out the window before Cloud had come through the door. He nodded in acknowledgement, appearing happy in his own way. "So you came back." He said.

"Yeah." Cloud said, smiling. "I said I would, didn't I?"

Tifa had heard the door and come out from her room, and she beamed when she saw that it was Cloud standing there in the entranceway, covered in snow and his wet clothes dripping on the floor.

"Cloud…" She said, still smiling but in a way that was shadowed with sternness. "You came back…what…happened to you?"

"I'm done wasting time" Cloud said, smiling, a true and bright smile that was a rare and wonderful sight. "Enough dilly dallying. I've got a life to live."

"Cloud…" She said, shaking her head and smiling a giddy little smile. "I am glad to hear that, but…what…?"

"I spoke with an old friend." Cloud said, his look distant but no longer haunted. He still smiled.

Tifa was puzzled. Who could it have been? Just about everyone he really knew well had been at the party. "Who?" She asked finally, when she was unable to produce an answer.

"Zack."

Tifa gasped slightly, everything coming together all at once. Cloud hadn't only felt the blame for the death of Aerith, she realized, but also for the man called Zack, the one she had met once before in Nibelheim. The SOLDIER's death had affected Cloud just as much as Aerith's had, but Tifa had forgotten almost completely about him. She nodded. "I see." She said, smiling. "Well, my thanks to him for bringing you back home."

"Cloud?" Denzel rubbed at his eyes, awoken by their conversation.

Cloud nodded. "See? I kept my promise."

Denzel grinned. "I knew you would."

One of the dark forms passed out on the tables grunted and shifted. "Shut up, yo…" Reno muttered, covering his ears. "Oiii, my head…"

Cloud laughed, ruffling his hair in embarrassment, a habit he had picked up from Zack. "Sorry!" He said, making his way towards his own room. "I forgot we had a bunch of drunks passed out in here..."

"Very funny…" Reno muttered. Rude fell over in his chair and bumped his head against the table. He grunted.

Cloud trailed water behind him as he walked. In the back of his mind he greatly looked forward to reaching his room and changing into something warm and dry.

"Well, welcome back." Tifa said, with a smile. "And Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas." Cloud said, with a nod.

"This is going to be the best Christmas ever!" Denzel called out, a groan coming from the dark forms of the party guests. Cloud, Tifa, and Denzel smiled. Even Vincent smiled from his vantage point on the other side of the room. A rare sight indeed. It really would be the best Christmas ever.

In the back of his mind, Cloud heard laughter and a familiar voice saying, "I told you so."


End file.
